Eliminate the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda’s...What does your child need?

Why is it our habit to dwell on what we don’t have or don’t know rather than what we do have and what we know to be true.  We feed off the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s and bait our kids into feeling defeated before they even begin the process. Then the media drives the college admissions hype calling attention to all the factors that we can’t control like how a college ranks in selectivity, demographic needs, legacy, and so forth. Herein lies the very reason why this process becomes overwhelming and exhausting. So...I think the phrase someone used is “Stop the Madness! Let’s try a different approach or the preferred approach.

Most parents will say that they want their child to be happy when they choose a college. If that is true...start there with your questions.  Embrace who your teen is and what their path is.  Trying to fit into a space that does not honor their values and needs is going to increase stress, pressure, and worry. When a student first defines their pathway they will begin to identify colleges who have similar mission statements, values and space for growth.  Ideally the list of colleges will be just as interested in them...a mutual relationship, balance or match.  

As a parent, now is the time to evaluate what your teen needs. The last 15 months have been a roller coaster of events and you are going to want to start with the highs and lows. On a positive note, teens probably learned through trial and error how they learn best. Asking questions, hiring a college counselor will provide the necessary time needed to build a foundation of what they value in an academic and social setting.  Once a foundation of self knowledge is created, a student will better relate to questions about purpose and passion.   

Students hold most of the control in the college admissions process. They are going to choose where and when to apply and then ultimately choose their final destination. Students need to build their college list around their needs because the bottom line is there is not a secret combo that opens the admission gates. The new mantra is I am in control of my college search and I have a plan...and leave the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s for the sportscasters. 

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